Most individuals tend to avoid discussions about death, preferring not to engage in such conversations. However, for Alua Arthur, a transformative dialogue following a near-death encounter reshaped her perspective on life during a period of depression and disillusionment. This pivotal moment propelled her onto a new vocational trajectory, one imbued with a sense of calling rather than a conventional career.
Contrary to preconceived notions, Alua Arthur, a 45-year-old Ghanaian-American adorned with lengthy locs and a radiant smile, defies the stereotypical image of a death doula. Her very demeanor exudes a sense of authority, assurance, and exuberance—a testament to the joy of existence.
In her forthcoming book, set to debut in bookstores on April 14, Arthur, based in Los Angeles, delves into the significance of acknowledging death, emphasizing that neglecting this inevitable reality deprives us of a profound comprehension of life. She articulates, “…[T]he concept of death serves as a seed. Nurturing this seed allows life to flourish abundantly like wildflowers in its place. Our response to mortality, once we grasp its inevitability, remains within our sphere of control.”
Defining the Role of a Death Doula and Its Relevance
A death doula offers comprehensive non-medical care and assistance to both the dying individual and their support network throughout the end-of-life journey. This period is marked by emotional complexity and challenges extending beyond the physical needs of the terminally ill. Having a compassionate, knowledgeable companion on this profound voyage can provide invaluable support.
The Catalyst for Becoming a Death Doula
After a lengthy tenure in law at the Legal Aid Foundation of Los Angeles, a phase of clinical depression prompted Alua Arthur to embark on a hiatus. A chance encounter with a young woman afflicted by uterine cancer during a trip to Cuba proved instrumental. Their candid exchange on mortality unveiled the profound impact of unaddressed fears and concerns surrounding death. Subsequently, personal experiences supporting her ailing brother-in-law highlighted the profound loneliness and lack of guidance inherent in such circumstances. These encounters fueled Arthur’s resolve to offer the support she once sought to others in similar situations.
Cultivating a New Perspective on Death as a Society
Initiating conversations about death and confronting our fears openly are pivotal steps in fostering societal acceptance of mortality. By creating a safe space for dialogue and dismantling the taboo associated with death-related discussions, we can gradually shift societal attitudes. Embracing the full spectrum of human emotions, including the fear of death, without judgment or suppression, is essential for personal growth and acceptance.
Moreover, challenging the prevalent societal aversion to aging and the fixation on youth is crucial. By reframing aging as a natural process rather than an adversary, we can transform our perception of mortality.
Navigating Grief and Loss as a Death Doula
In coping with the grief accompanying the conclusion of each client’s journey, Alua Arthur acknowledges her reliance on simple comforts like Kettle potato chips, grounding herself in the present moment to process the array of emotions that surface. Embracing the multifaceted nature of grief, from sorrow to gratitude, she extends grace to herself throughout the grieving process. While accompanying clients through their final moments, Arthur experiences both sorrow for their passing and gratitude for the privilege of bearing witness to their lives.
Common Themes of Regret and Reflection
A prevalent regret expressed by individuals nearing the end of life revolves around how they utilized their time. Many lament conforming to societal expectations and external pressures, realizing too late the importance of authenticity and self-expression. This serves as a poignant reminder to prioritize personal fulfillment and live authentically, as one’s life journey is uniquely their own.
Life Lessons from the Threshold of Death
Through her interactions with individuals approaching death, Alua Arthur underscores a fundamental realization—that despite the looming specter of mortality, the gift of life persists, urging us to embrace the present moment and live authentically.