Dear Carolyn: Are parents with young children destined to feel exhausted while barely meeting the minimum requirements all the time? My kids are 3.5 and 1 year old, and my spouse and I both have full-time jobs. Despite having adequate childcare and paid assistance (due to the absence of family nearby), we manage to keep up with daily chores. However, I constantly find myself struggling to go beyond that, always playing catch-up.
My husband believes that this is the norm when raising young children. His work hours fluctuate weekly, unlike mine, which are consistent. Therefore, while he contributes his share during lighter weeks, I pick up the slack during his busier weeks, considering he also needs time to rest. I am the one concerned about the accumulating clutter, including sorting outgrown children’s clothes and toys for donation, as well as dealing with our belongings that were packed during our last move and now require attention.
With another move scheduled for next year, I aim to declutter as much as possible beforehand. However, I struggle to find the motivation after a long day. Should I simply wait until my children are older?
— Exhausted Parents of Young Children
Exhausted Parents of Young Children: It’s a common sentiment that if each parent feels like they are shouldering the entire burden, they are probably on par with most co-parents.
Personally, I have found raising young children to be incredibly draining. While not everyone shares this experience, those who do are likely in good company.
Breaking down overwhelming tasks into brief, daily scheduled intervals can make them more manageable. For instance, dedicating 15 minutes each day to decluttering, with two rest days per week as a reward.
Here are some insights from readers:
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- Your mention of being the sole caretaker for sorting and donating tasks stood out. While you may take the lead in these areas, they are still household responsibilities. Unless your husband is tackling similar duties, this issue may persist even as the children grow older. Creating a comprehensive task list based on frequency and effort required could help divide responsibilities more equitably.
- Does your husband provide you with downtime to rest during his less demanding weeks? It’s crucial to schedule personal time for self-care. While things will improve over time, prioritizing self-care is essential to avoid burnout.
- Consider scheduling a comprehensive check-up with your doctor, including thyroid and ferritin level assessments. Low iron or B12 levels can impact energy levels significantly. Addressing any underlying health issues can help alleviate fatigue.
- Setting a timer for short bursts of cleaning or organizing tasks can make them feel more manageable and less overwhelming. Remember, the exhaustion you’re feeling is valid, and implementing small, achievable goals can make a difference.
- Focus on doing what you can and practice acceptance for tasks that remain unfinished. Parenting challenges evolve over time, bringing both easier and more difficult phases. Embrace the fact that change is inevitable.