A Journey of Self-Discovery in Later Life
When Bernie Wagenblast first attended a support group meeting in New Jersey, she had no plans of transitioning. At the time, she was in her late 50s and worked as a radio announcer using what she referred to as her “guy voice.” But as she became more involved with the group, which supports transgender and nonbinary individuals of all ages, her perspective began to shift. “I thought this group would be enough,” Wagenblast recalls, “hoping I wouldn’t have to make any major changes.”
Her primary fear at that time was losing her life partner, a worry shared by many older transgender individuals who have yet to come out. As Leigh Mann, a gender-affirming voice therapist and former co-facilitator of PROUDLY Me!, explains, older individuals often face a unique set of risks when considering coming out. These include concerns about personal safety, relationships, and employment, all of which make the decision to live openly even more complicated.
Nicole Brownstein accessorizing Bernie Wagenblast’s ensemble. Gabby Jones for NPR
Transformative Evening That Changed Everything
Wagenblast’s journey took a decisive turn during the annual semi-formal PROUDLY Me! award ceremony. While she had always attended the event in traditionally male attire, this time she felt a deep discomfort in doing so. Encouraged by a fellow transgender mentor, she donned a wig, heels, and makeup for the first time. This mentor, Nicole Brownstein, a 77-year-old transgender woman, helped her prepare for the evening, offering her not only clothing but also emotional support.
That night, for the first time, Wagenblast attended the event as her authentic self, marking the start of her social transition. However, this new beginning came with a cost—her 42-year marriage ended as a result. “My former spouse, who remains my closest friend, is no longer part of my daily life,” Wagenblast shares, “but the importance of friendships has grown tremendously in my life.”
Portrait of Patrick Buenaventura in their award ceremony attire at Bernie’s residence in Cranford, NJ. Gabby Jones for NPR
Building a New Community and Intergenerational Bonds
Wagenblast has found solace in her friendships, including her bond with Brownstein, as part of a close-knit group of transgender women who regularly meet for dinner and support each other. Brownstein describes their gatherings as a simple joy: “Just a group of women enjoying a pleasant evening together.” The support these women offer each other is invaluable, especially for those navigating later-life transitions.
(From left to right) Portrait of Patrick Buenaventura, Bernie Wagenblast, and Nicole Brownstein, attired for the award ceremony at Wagenblast’s residence in Cranford, NJ. Gabby Jones for NPR
For others in the community, like Patrick Buenaventura, who began their transition journey at age 53, seeing older individuals like Brownstein and Wagenblast offers hope and perspective. Buenaventura was initially apprehensive about starting so late in life but found reassurance in knowing that each person’s journey unfolds at its own pace. “This is my journey, and it’s happening exactly when it’s supposed to,” they say, embracing the idea that it’s never too late to live authentically.