The most recent activity we shared was watching the film “Birdcage” starring Nathan Lane and Robin Williams, just the two of us in solitude at my aunt’s residence. My cousin had taken his mother to his place, granting my mom and me an evening together before my departure the following day.
Ruth Marcus and Mildred Plotkin, two of three siblings, were born in the 1920s. The youngest sister, Eleanor Diamond, remained in Michigan while her two older sisters and their families moved to California in the 1960s. Despite the physical distance, Ruth and Mildred lived within a short 20-minute drive of each other, navigating life’s journey together for over 70 years. Throughout numerous life events including births, deaths, marriages, and celebrations, they stood by each other in times of hardship and joy. Their bond was such that they could exasperate each other one moment and fiercely defend one another the next.
“My family is off-limits to anyone!” my mother would assert adamantly, especially when she sensed any form of exploitation towards me. While generally peace-loving, she could transform into a protective force if she perceived any mistreatment of her loved ones.
The time had come for the two sisters to embark on their final voyage together. Aunt Millie would accompany her till the end, yet she too faced challenges and needed to gather strength for the impending journey. My presence in town provided her with a brief respite.
“How are you feeling, Mom?” I inquired.
Seated in her rocking chair, holding a steaming cup of tea, draped in a quilted blanket with vials of pills on the table beside her, she responded, “I’m still doing well, dear. You needn’t check on me every few minutes. I’ll let you know if I require anything, alright?”
“Of course, Mom. I apologize. I just…”
I just what? To be candid, I was grappling with immense anxiety about the impending loss and seeking reassurance by checking in on her. This unfamiliar territory left me feeling utterly unsettled and inadequate.
Similarly, my mother had never faced such circumstances before. Nevertheless, she embraced it with grace. Almost as if sensing my inner turmoil, she remarked, “You know, darling, in a way, it’s rather intriguing. While I’m not eager to depart, I am curious. It’s a final journey for me. Who knows what revelations await?”
A pause. I remained silent.
Gently, she added, “I’m alright, Scott. Truly. Please don’t worry.”
I lifted my gaze from my shoes to meet her eyes. There she was, radiating that familiar proud and comforting gaze, more concerned about my well-being than her own.
“Mom, could you please stop staring? It’s unsettling.”
“I just want to cherish this moment with you.”
“I understand. But could we engage in another activity while you cherish me?”
“Of course, dear. Why don’t we start the movie?”
I pressed play and redirected my attention to the screen. Yet, my mother’s gaze lingered on me.
“Aren’t you going to watch?” I inquired, attempting to divert her focus.
“You watch. I’ll cherish.”
As Carl Jung aptly expressed, “Life is a brief interlude between two great mysteries.”
Whether the sun illuminates the day or gray clouds loom overhead, relish every moment spent with loved ones. Find joy in the mundane routines that fill our days. Appreciate the sensation of water on your hands while washing dishes. Acknowledge the gratifying stretch upon rising from the sofa. Marvel at the marvel of the human body that encapsulates our essence.
Eventually, each of us, along with everyone we have known or will know, will return to the enigma. Until that inevitable juncture unfolds, breathe deeply, relish the expansion of your lungs, offer compliments generously, express love openly, embrace longer during hugs, prioritize compassion, and seek reasons to smile.
It has been 24 years since Ruth Marcus departed this transient existence, transitioning back to the Mystery. At times, I still sense her presence. Rather than unsettling me, her lingering gaze evokes a sense of longing that words cannot fully capture.
Scott “Q” Marcus provides guidance to individuals and organizations on managing and adapting to change. Catch him in the poignant dramedy “Potato Gumbo” at the EXIT Theater in Arcata until Feb. 18. For more information, visit theexit.org.