Greetings and a warm welcome to you and your family as newcomers to Alabama. Although you have only recently arrived here, I anticipate that we will have the pleasure of sharing many delightful years together. Given your limited exposure to the southern way of life until now, I understand that you may have some inquiries about our customs. Hence, I have taken the liberty of offering you some valuable advice and insights to facilitate your acclimatization.
Let me begin by recommending that when inquired about your place of origin by Alabamians, humorously mention that you hail from the south – specifically South Dakota. Adding a light-hearted comment about your accent can serve as an excellent icebreaker and endear you to the locals.
Should you encounter any initial challenges with the pronunciation of your name, particularly if it sounds akin to “da beer,” akin to the colloquial phrase “Hey Verne, hand me da beer!” commonly used in our state, please do not take offense.
While your palate may be accustomed to healthier fare like grilled salmon from the northwest, in Alabama, our culinary preferences lean towards catfish, typically coated in cornmeal and deep-fried to perfection. Embrace this indulgence as a delightful culinary experience. Moreover, when we mention “barbecue” in the Deep South, we are predominantly referring to pork, often in the form of delectable ribs. A visit to Dreamland for their renowned ribs, accompanied by white bread alone, is a gesture highly appreciated by traditionalists.
In dining establishments, don’t be surprised if the waitstaff affectionately address you as “hon” – a term of endearment ingrained in our hospitality customs. Additionally, in a “meat and three” eatery, opting for sweet tea, pronounced as “sweetee,” is a customary choice over water with lemon. Despite its saccharine nature, acclimatize yourself to this quintessential southern beverage.
When discussing “greens” in local eateries, we are not alluding to golf course attire but rather a beloved southern dish, often accompanied by pepper sauce. Embrace the tangy flavor of this condiment, a staple found on most tables in the region. As for grits, remember that butter suffices as a topping – sugar is strictly off-limits.
Engaging in activities like golf, favored even by esteemed figures like Nick Saban, is well-received, while displaying an interest in NASCAR will undoubtedly earn you admiration.
The distinctive red clay soil prevalent in our region may catch your eye, serving as a testament to our geographical uniqueness. Feel free to inquire about its potential use in pottery or brick-making.
You may encounter vast expanses of kudzu, a rapidly growing vine that blankets landscapes swiftly. Expressing awe at this sight alongside a jest about its ubiquity akin to Southern Baptists can spark conversation.
Given the climatic conditions, advising your wife and daughters with straight hair to opt for ball caps or ponytails during the humid Alabama summers can be both practical and fashionable.
Lastly, a couple of crucial points to remember: prioritize passing the ball to the tight end, a strategy often overlooked even by Coach Saban, and ensure victory over Auburn annually. By adhering to these recommendations, the finer details I’ve shared will pale in significance. All clear? Fantastic.
Warm regards,
Joe Hobby