Charles Duhigg collaborates with Derek to delve into the theme of his latest book, ‘Supercommunicators’: mastering the art of navigating challenging conversations
Photo by Carl Court/Getty Images
The fabric of our interactions—be it in relationships, friendships, marriages, or professional settings—is woven with conversations, many of which are intricate and uneasy. Often, we evade candidness with those closest to us out of fear of expressing our true sentiments. What if we possessed unwavering confidence in our communication skills, embracing difficult dialogues instead of dreading them?
Renowned for his previous work, The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg unveils his newest publication, Supercommunicators. This book delves into the nuances of effective communication in challenging scenarios. Today, the focus is on the finesse and science behind navigating tough discussions, spanning from personal relationships to political discourse. Duhigg sheds light on the fundamental principles that underpin engaging and emotionally impactful conversations.
In the ensuing dialogue, Charles Duhigg and Derek explore the genesis of Duhigg’s recent literary endeavor.
Derek Thompson: It’s a pleasure to have you here. You’ve delved into habits and productivity in your previous works. What inspired you to pivot towards the realm of effective communication in your latest book?
Charles Duhigg: That’s an excellent question. When I penned The Power of Habits, the focus was primarily on internal dynamics. Similarly, Smarter, Faster, Better revolved around productivity. However, I started receiving feedback from individuals who, despite absorbing the advice and insights from my books, found that their daily triumphs hinged significantly on interactions with others. They were grappling with altering other people’s behaviors and sought guidance on handling challenging individuals. This prompted me to realize that a substantial portion of our lives transpires within social circles, be it familial or professional. Mastering the art of connecting with others through conversation is pivotal for personal success. Given my own shortcomings in this domain, I felt compelled to explore and pen down my insights.
Thompson: Your words resonate with me. Your previous works have undoubtedly influenced your personal growth. Before embarking on this project, how would you rate your own communication skills? What are the key areas where you identified room for improvement after delving into this subject and crafting a comprehensive book on it?
Duhigg: I would candidly admit to a subpar self-assessment of my communication skills. Two distinct instances stand out vividly. During my tenure at The New York Times, I transitioned into a managerial role with unwavering confidence in my abilities. However, feedback consistently highlighted my deficiency in communication. Despite excelling in strategic aspects, I faltered in effectively conveying messages, a critical facet for a profession centered on journalism.
A parallel scenario unfolded within my marital relationship of two decades. Upon returning home after a taxing day, I would vent about work-related grievances to my wife, anticipating empathy. Instead, her pragmatic suggestions for resolution would trigger unwarranted frustration on my part, leading to discord. This pattern persisted, reflecting a common challenge in many relationships. Seeking clarity, I consulted psychologists and neurologists to comprehend the underlying dynamics, thus laying the groundwork for my book.
Thompson: The dichotomy between one party seeking solace through venting and the other striving to provide solutions is a classic communication hurdle. I once stumbled upon a study suggesting that the inclination to vent or problem-solve transcends gender stereotypes. The crux lies in how individuals externalize different phases of their thought process. Some internalize problem-solving and externalize venting, while others exhibit the reverse pattern. This insight reshapes our understanding of communication dynamics, emphasizing the need for alignment in conversational styles.
Duhigg: This aligns seamlessly with the revelations from experts I engaged with during my research. They emphasized that every conversation comprises multiple layers, often categorized into practical, emotional, and social dimensions. Individuals tend to gravitate towards familiar conversational styles, which may lead to misalignments in communication. Recognizing and adapting to the underlying tone of a dialogue is crucial for fostering genuine connections. In my personal experiences, the inability to discern the emotional undercurrents of conversations hindered effective communication, highlighting the significance of harmonizing conversational approaches for meaningful interactions.