DEAR ABBY: Recently, I was given a diagnosis of a progressive illness that currently has no known cure. This illness is expected to gradually affect both my physical and mental well-being as I grow older. While I am managing the symptoms at present and trying to reduce their impact on my daily life, this was not how I had envisioned spending my “golden years.”
I have shared this diagnosis with close family and friends. However, I have made a conscious decision to approach each day with as much positivity as I can muster, without constantly dwelling on the future health challenges that lie ahead.
My dilemma stems from the fact that some of these individuals persistently inquire about the progression of my condition. While I am not in denial about it, I prefer not to let my illness overshadow the good moments I still experience. The advancement of this disease will inevitably become a significant part of my future. When I convey these feelings in response to their queries, some are taken aback, while others interpret it as offensive, despite their genuine concern.
How can I communicate my need for privacy regarding my health without upsetting those who genuinely care about me? As my condition becomes more noticeable to others, I anticipate this issue will arise more frequently. — CURRENTLY WELL IN MICHIGAN
DEAR CURRENTLY WELL: It is entirely within your rights to approach each day without being constantly questioned about your illness. You are entitled to your privacy.
Kindly ask these concerned individuals to refrain from discussing your health any further. Reassure them that when you are ready to talk about it, you will initiate the conversation. If this request offends anyone, it is a consequence you are prepared to accept.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend has recently started college. We have been in a relationship for about 18 months. Although he is not too far away, his mother is restricting the frequency of our visits. Whenever I travel to see him, I cover the cost of my own train ticket. I fail to see how my visits are negatively impacting her in any way. While we both want to respect her wishes, I would appreciate the flexibility to see him more often.
Maintaining a relationship with only monthly visits is proving to be challenging. Thankfully, he does come home for breaks and occasional weekends, for which I am grateful. I don’t believe his mother should be dictating our choices. How can I address this with her without coming across as disrespectful or impolite? — THREE’S A CROWD
DEAR THREE’S A CROWD: Your boyfriend’s mother may be trying to ensure that her son remains focused on his studies with minimal distractions. She may also have concerns about the potential consequences of intimacy at this stage in your lives. It would be wise not to confront her about this issue. If the restrictions on visitation are too strict, your boyfriend should be the one to discuss this with his mother.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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