Dear Amy:
I tied the knot with my high school sweetheart, and we’ve been a couple for half a century. Our intimate relationship was fulfilling until five years ago. Unfortunately, my spouse has been grappling with a severe alcohol addiction that I’ve endured for many years. He has resorted to hurling offensive and hurtful epithets at me, spending his days watching TV and drinking. When my father passed away last year, instead of offering comfort, he callously made a remark that continues to sting deeply.
Now that we are both retired, I’ve discovered that I have an illness and wish to travel while I still can. Regrettably, he shows no interest in exploring new destinations. His alcoholism has driven away friends and family, and I’m weary of covering up for his behavior.
I firmly believe that I deserve happiness in the twilight years of my life. I’d rather spend my remaining time on earth content and unattached than trapped in a miserable marriage. Despite urging him to seek counseling, he adamantly refuses, so I’ve been attending therapy sessions alone, which have been immensely beneficial for me.
Should I pursue a divorce to pursue my own happiness and interests, or should I heed the advice of a few friends who question the point of leaving after so many years? While I want to prioritize my own well-being and joy, I find myself grappling with feelings of guilt and self-doubt.
The constant misery has taken its toll on me, and I yearn for a change.
– In Misery
Dear In Misery:
Your description of your current situation as miserable underscores the need for a change. It’s time to take action.
While you’ve sought advice from various sources, you haven’t mentioned consulting a lawyer. Educating yourself about the practical and legal aspects of your situation is crucial. After years of tolerating and covering up for your husband’s behavior, it’s imperative that you prioritize your own well-being.
In addition to seeking legal counsel and exploring your options, consider planning a trip and following through with it. Whether joining a tour group or traveling with friends, stepping out of your familiar environment can provide valuable perspective on your choices and future decisions.
Attending Al-anon meetings (Al-anon.org) could also offer insights into your own coping mechanisms and connect you with individuals navigating similar challenges related to a loved one’s alcohol abuse.
Dear Amy:
My wife and I are parents to a 14-month-old baby, and we’ve been adjusting reasonably well to parenthood. With my wife working full-time and my upcoming grad school classes, we’ve been researching daycare options. While touring a promising facility near my wife’s workplace, we observed several crying babies in the same room as our child. The caregivers appeared indifferent to the crying infants, citing that allowing them to cry fosters resilience as their policy.
Is this approach valid, and should we feel comfortable entrusting our child to this daycare center?
– Concerned
Dear Concerned:
The notion that ignoring crying babies promotes resilience is unfounded. Neglecting infants when they cry can lead to increased anxiety rather than resilience. While it’s understandable that caregivers may not always respond instantaneously, a policy of routinely disregarding crying infants is concerning, especially in a childcare setting.
I recommend continuing your search for a daycare facility that prioritizes warmth, accessibility, and responsiveness to children’s needs. Consider facilities with open-door policies, surveillance cameras for monitoring, and positive reviews from other parents. Remember, it’s called daycare for a reason – caring for children is paramount.
Dear Amy:
In response to “Loving Husband,” who sought advice on addressing his wife’s concerns about her appearance, my husband always tells me, “In my eyes, you will forever be the person I fell in love with.”
– Roxanna
Dear Roxanna: Your husband’s heartfelt response beautifully captures timeless love and appreciation.
©2024 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.