For years, Venice has been a destination that has eluded me, despite my numerous travels to Europe. I had envisioned visiting this enchanting city for my honeymoon, but as fate would have it, marriage never came my way. Consequently, Venice has found its place on my bucket list—a destination to be checked off before I depart this world.
But must we truly wait until the specter of death looms before seizing the opportunities that beckon us?
To be candid, the primary reason I have postponed my solo voyage to Venice stems from the precarious nature of my mental well-being. Travel, with its inherent challenges of packing, planning, and the disruption of time zones, poses a significant hurdle for me. Maintaining my mental equilibrium and sleep schedule is paramount, given my [ppp1].
This reality became starkly evident years ago during a writers’ conference in Florida following the publication of my first book. The relentless schedule left me sleep-deprived, culminating in a distressing dissociative episode. Struggling to recognize the unfamiliar face staring back at me in the mirror, I realized the toll that [ppp2] and sleep deprivation had exacted.
Subsequently, an invitation to embark on a book tour in Amsterdam, a city dear to my heart for its artistic allure, presented a dilemma. Despite my yearning to partake in this opportunity, my psychiatrist’s cautionary words echoed in my mind: “You’re too symptomatic to venture that far.”
Regrettably, I deferred to his judgment, a decision that has since haunted me.
For over two decades, the specter of potential mood swings and instability has restrained me from indulging in leisure travel. The fear of succumbing to [ppp3] in an unfamiliar setting, far removed from my support network, has paralyzed my sense of adventure. The prospect of grappling with the financial repercussions and the uncertainties of managing a [ppp4] episode abroad has been a formidable deterrent.
The ability to exercise sound judgment, a faculty imperiled by the tumult of bipolar disorder, is a prerequisite for safe travel—a luxury I have often felt compelled to forfeit.
The cycle of waiting for an elusive state of absolute stability, a hypothetical cure-all medication, or an uncertain tomorrow has entrapped me in a state of perpetual postponement. This surrender to fear has consigned my aspirations to a distant future that may never materialize.
Bipolar disorder may cast a shadow, but only if we allow it to eclipse our aspirations.
Upon introspection, I have come to terms with the realization that waiting for an unattainable pinnacle of stability is an exercise in futility. My current state of equilibrium, fortified by a meticulous regimen of medications, self-awareness, and consultation with healthcare professionals, offers a foundation for embarking on new adventures.
Having diligently prepared myself, the time for action has arrived. While the specter of a potential bipolar episode lingers, I am resolute in my decision. Waiting indefinitely for a miraculous panacea may render me incapable of savoring the thrills and challenges of international travel. Life is too precious to be squandered in a perpetual state of anticipation.
In defiance of bipolar disorder, I have taken a decisive step forward. With my new partner by my side, I have seized the moment and booked a journey to Venice. Today is the day that “someday” becomes a reality.