Dear Annie: My sole brother is 70 years old, just two years younger than me. We have drifted apart and ceased communication for several months now. I harbor lingering resentment towards him for his failure to acknowledge my marriage several years ago. He was notably absent at my wedding and did not even send a simple greeting card. Furthermore, he has missed out on pivotal moments in the lives of my three children, never bothering to attend their significant events. Currently residing in Florida with his third wife and no children of his own, I find myself disinclined to reestablish a connection with him, deeming him a lost cause. What is your perspective on this situation? Thank you for addressing this issue – Brotherly Shove
Dear Brotherly: Holding onto resentment from the past only serves to harm yourself. Despite the mistakes your brother has made in your relationship, contemplating cutting him out of your life permanently suggests deep-seated emotions of anger, hurt, and resentment. It may be beneficial to try to forgive your brother for his past transgressions and refrain from passing judgment or resorting to derogatory labels. Each individual makes their own choices, and forgiveness can be a liberating gift to oneself. As Saint Augustine aptly put it, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Dear Annie: I reside on the West Coast, where the homeless population continues to rise annually, alongside a significant fentanyl addiction crisis. While I acknowledge that not all homeless individuals are battling addiction, my interactions have led me to understand that a substantial portion of those requesting money are indeed struggling with addiction, whether to fentanyl, alcohol, or other substances.
My query pertains to a tactful way to decline these requests without resorting to an apologetic tone. I feel uncomfortable apologizing for not providing money to individuals with addiction issues, but “sorry” seems to be the default response observed among acquaintances and family members in similar situations. As a woman who sometimes walks alone, saying a simple “no” might not always feel like the safest option, as it could potentially be perceived as confrontational by the requester (even though this concern may be unfounded, as I have yet to test it out).
Do you believe that a straightforward “no” suffices, or do you have an alternative suggestion? – Donating to Charity, not Addiction
Dear Donating to Charity: While a direct “no” may come across as somewhat harsh when declining requests for money on the streets, your decision to support charitable organizations rather than individual street solicitors is commendable. Addiction is a complex issue, and many of these individuals are grappling with the severe consequences of their condition, often without access to proper treatment. Opting for a gentler approach such as “I’m sorry” could be a more considerate way to decline assistance to someone battling addiction and homelessness.
Consider engaging in community initiatives or local governance to address the pressing homelessness crisis, not only in your state but on a national scale.
Annie Lane is a multifaceted individual, encompassing roles as a mother, daughter, sister, and wife. Hailing from California, she ventured eastward at the age of 18, embarking on a journey that led her to graduate with honors from New York University. Her academic pursuits focused on English literature and psychology, culminating in a Juris Doctor degree from New York Law School.
Throughout her educational endeavors, Annie undertook diverse roles, ranging from working at Barnes & Noble due to her love for books to serving as a certified yoga instructor and engaging in sales at an internet advertising startup. Her professional experiences extended to positions at a law firm and a federal magistrate’s office, yet her innate talent for offering practical solutions to everyday challenges shone through.
Residing outside Manhattan with her husband, two children, and two canine companions, Annie has transitioned from a decade of urban life to prioritize her family and her Dear Annie column. When not immersed in writing, she dedicates her time to play dates and the whimsical world of Play-Doh.
Annie Lane’s second anthology, “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is now available, featuring a collection of beloved columns on relationships, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation in both paperback and e-book formats.
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